Extending the Gift of Grace When People Disappoint You

My three-year-old granddaughter was perplexed on her first day back at Sunday School after a pandemic-induced hiatus.

“Mom, Victoria looked new today. She had glasses on her eyes.”

Then she paused.

“She kept the same name, though.”

I chuckled at the bewilderment of a preschooler. Her little friend was the same person—yet she looked different!

Shouldn’t we anticipate the same thing when it comes to the people around us? They just might change!

Jesus Christ is alive in us! And dead things don’t grow, but living things do!

Jesus said to His believers, “I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in me and I in him shall produce a large crop of fruit. For apart from me you can’t do a thing.  (John 15:5, TLB).

So, it should feel natural for Christians to grow and change spiritually.  When we do, we produce characteristics like love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control.

Galatians 5:22

That’s why we need to give each other space to grow and change. In other words, our lives should reflect what it means to ‘have grace.’ Even if—or especially if—someone rubs us the wrong way.

I’ll be honest. Loving difficult people isn’t easy.  My knee jerk is to throw my hands in the air or walk away. But when difficult people in our lives are also believers, we’re called to extend grace. After all, they’re still in the developmental stage―just like we are.

Here’s the bottom line. God extended His grace to us, so how can we withhold it from someone else?

For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift—  (Ephesians 2:8, HCSB)

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HAVE GRACE?

It means we’re willing to offer up a few things. At a minimum, we need to make sure we do the following:

GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS OR ATTITUDES

I can’t count how many times I’ve felt strongly about a certain issue and then―due to some spiritual insight via Bible study or input from another Christian―made an about-turn.  And I don’t know about you, but I can be all up in my feelings and then realize I’m responding to them rather than to biblical truth. Once I realign my heart with right thinking, my attitude does a one-eighty.

So, why would I withhold grace from someone else who may need to do the same thing?

GIVE THEM FREEDOM TO ASK FORGIVENESS AND BE FORGIVEN

Some of the most humbling and awe-inspiring times in my life have come after I’ve regretted an attitude or behavior and then received the gift of grace from the person I offended. We all need forgiveness and we all need to “be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13, TLB).

GIVE THEM TIME TO GROW

For our kids and teenagers it’s a given, but other Christian adults need time to grow in their faith too. It’s impossible to know how much baggage they’ve had to unpack, how many fears they need to conquer, or what obstacles are in their way. “But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into Him who is the head—Christ” (Ephesians 4:15, HCSB).

GIVE THEM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

At the Home of Grace―a Christian recovery center for men and women with addictions―I was often moved to tears by the transformations that took place during the 90-day program. Men and women entered with full-blown addictions to drugs or alcohol, many penniless, countless having lost all ties with family and friends. And over and over, many of those who came to know Jesus left sober, joyful, and ready to mend relationships and tell the world about the God who saved them.

As I watched them depart, I often wondered what it might be like for them at home if no one extended grace. If no one believed they’d changed. If everyone expected them to stay the same.

Like Barnabas―the one who took Paul by the hand and convinced the apostles he was the real deal― we need to remember God is in the business of transforming hearts and lives. “When he [Paul] arrived in Jerusalem, he tried to associate with the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, since they did not believe he was a disciple.  Barnabas, however, took him and brought him to the apostles and explained to them how Saul had seen the Lord on the road and that He had talked to him, and how in Damascus he had spoken boldly in the name of Jesus” (Acts 9:27, HCSB).

Unlike Paul―whose name changed from Saul―the people in our lives probably won’t change their names. But―like my granddaughter’s little friend―they may start looking a little different.

Let’s allow them all the grace they need.