How to Make A Real Friend And How To Be One

She was my lifeline.

I’d just arrived in Singapore. I was young―married for a year―and had moved there because my husband had a job in the South China Sea.  He was offshore when my plane landed, so a woman I’d met only once greeted me at the airport.

Brenda had lived as an expat in Singapore for years, and knew the ins and outs of finding her way around. She took me home from the airport, handed me a newspaper listing of available apartments―or flats―and gave me a pep talk about finding the right place to live. Then she pointed me to the closest taxi stand and waved me off.

That’s the kind of friend Brenda was. Encouraging and steadfast, but always pushing me to do the hard things I wasn’t sure I was capable of.

I watched her closely. Her husband worked offshore like mine did, and she had two young children. But―unlike me―Brenda was content, joyful, and at peace, whether her husband was at home or at sea.

That’s why I followed her to Bible study. I wanted to find the kind of happiness she had and I was looking for.

At Bible study―and through Brenda’s friendship― I found Jesus.

That’s why I feel a special affection for the relationship between the mother of Jesus and her cousin Elizabeth.

Mary and Elizabeth

At Mary’s most vulnerable moment―right after hearing the astounding news that she would conceive the savior of the world―God gave her Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was already expecting, so she understood some of the ins and outs of pregnancy. She, too, had been the recipient of a miracle―pregnancy in her old age― and she used her own experience to strengthen Mary’s faith.

God reminded Mary—through Elizabeth— that He was at work. He’d chosen Mary for the task before her.

When I heard your greeting, the baby in my womb jumped for joy. You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.
Luke 1:44-45, NLT

Don’t we all need a friend like that?

Someone who’s been where we’re going. Someone who strengthens our faith and calms our fears. Someone who challenges us to do the hard things because God is in them.

How to make a real friend and  how to be one

Nowadays, many of us are more connected―through social media, Zoom, texting, and countless other electronic pathways―yet lonelier than ever. In fact, it’s rare to have a tribe of friends who truly know, understand, and stick with you.

I wonder what would happen if we opened ourselves up to friends who may not look like we expect them to?

My friend Brenda was nine years older than me, and in a different season of life. In the same way, Elizabeth was much older than Mary.

What if we dropped some of our expectations for an ideal friendship? Perhaps we’d find a friend in someone younger or older. Maybe someone a bit sillier or more subdued than we’re accustomed to.

When it comes to how to make a real friend and how to be one, look around. Let’s open ourselves up to the possibility that God want may want to send us a friend who’s nothing like us.

Or, maybe there’s someone looking for a friend IN us.

My friend Brenda pointed me straight to Jesus, just like Elizabeth did for Mary. Maybe there’s someone who needs us to light the way to Him, too.