Feeling like a failure as a mom?
You’ve heard it said before: Good parenting is not for the fainthearted.
Parenting takes courage, because parenting is scary. That’s why you’re a rare parent if you’ve never once felt like a failure as a mom.
If you’ve never rolled your eyes in exasperation or experienced a momentary lapse of anger, I applaud you.
But if you—like me—have wondered if you’re even cut out for this hard job of being a mom, or if you worry that you’re the only one who doubts you’re up to the task, then read on.
Because it’s easy to grow fainthearted.
When your kids have issues you can’t or don’t know how to control. When overnight your sweet little toddler turns into a holy terror. Or when meltdowns happen. When suddenly backtalk becomes your child’s primary language. Or when—every once in a while—you get a sneaky suspicion your child is lying, being mean, or flat-out misbehaving.
No matter how frustrated, exhausted, or “over it” you may look on the outside, there may be something else going on in your heart.
Like fear.
Deep inside, your guts are screaming out: I’m a failure as a mom! My kid is officially out of control! I’m the terrible parent I always thought I’d be!
And if you lash out, over-react, or consider giving up, it’s probably not because you’re mad or tired.
It’s because you’re afraid.
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A FAILURE AS A MOM, YOU MAY LOOK ANGRY.
But it’s a disguise.
In reality, you’re afraid. As a mom, the most precious people in your life are at stake, and you’re scared to death you’ll mess them up.
I’ve been there.
And I found out there’s a better way:
- Calm down.
- Take a deep breath.
- Pray.
- Ask God for strength, wisdom, and the courage to finish strong.
- When your head is clear, make a plan. Take your child on like you’re a warrior determined to win the battle.
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A FAILURE AS A MOM, IT’S TIME TO FIGHT.
Before a good warrior fights, he strategizes. So, it’s time to come up with a plan.
1. Determine whether the problem is strictly behavioral or if other circumstances may be at play.
- Is she tired? Could his blood sugar be plummeting? Has she not been feeling well?
- Is there a problem with inconsistency? (That means on your part.) Are the rules fair?
- Does there seem to be a hot button? Could there by underlying fear/sadness/frustration?
2. Try adjusting your own response before you ask for a different response from your child. Frustration begets frustration, so get rid of yours. Be an example of maturity and self-control.
If you’ve been harsh, try being gentle. Force a smile. Maybe even a hug.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy.
James 3:17, HCSB
3. Make sure you’re willing to enforce the boundaries you’ve put into place.
Otherwise, don’t bother with them at all, because inconsistency will only make matters worse.
But you must say the things that are consistent with sound teaching.
Titus 2:1, HCSB
4. Expect your child to cooperate.
If you have a defeatist attitude, your child will pick up on it. Everyone deserves second chances. Don’t forget to be his cheerleader. After all, you’re the most important person on his team.
So encourage each other to build each other up, just as you are already doing.
1Thessalonians 5:11, TLB
5. When all else fails, seek outside help.
Parenting can be baffling, and sometimes another pair of eyes can help you see both the problem and the solution more clearly. So, seek out a trusted friend or family member, a wise mom, or a paid professional. After all, even the best coaches have plenty of assistants, and without them they’d never win a game.
DON’T GIVE UP
It’s true. Good parenting is not for the weak. Or cowardly. Or timid.
So, take another deep breath.
And be strong and courageous.
Because you’re still in the fight.
And that means you’re a really good parent.
Discipline your son and he will give you happiness and peace of mind.
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