My friend left her daughter at college today. And my mama heart ached for the goodbye I knew would be so hard for her to say.
It’s been 20 years since my oldest daughter left for college. Today she’s a wonderful wife and mom and has a life that’s fuller and happier than I knew how to dream up for her.
Yet my heart still feels tender when I remember her college goodbye.
We’d deposited our precious #notgrownupenoughtoleavehome daughter in the room of a college dorm. My younger daughters and I were inconsolable during the six-hour drive home. My husband was quiet. He wasn’t sure whether to talk, try to crack a joke, or let his own tears flow.
I dreaded getting home. I knew our house would bring the heartache to a whole new level. The empty spot outside the garage where she wouldn’t be parking her car anymore. Her eerily quiet room that once blared with music. The empty squares on the kitchen calendar that would no longer brim with her endless activities.
The heartache was real. I remember thinking ”so that’s why it’s called a heartache.” My heart literally felt sore from the stabs of pain inflicted with each reminder of a house my oldest child would never again claim as her permanent home.
Goodbyes are hard.
Yet, moms are called to say them. Over and over again.
Last week my youngest daughter sent her toddler to preschool. And her voice got shaky when she told me about Meet-the-Teacher Day, my granddaughter’s new backpack and how nice the playground was. I knew exactly how my daughter was feeling. Interspersed with her delight were bittersweet moments of not wanting to let go.
My middle daughter sent her little girl off to her first day of kindergarten just a few days ago. And her sisters and I cried over Facetime with her as she mourned the loss of a season of Chick-Fil-A lunches, grocery shopping and playdates in the constant company of her sweet preschooler.
Goodbyes are hard, mama.
But if we hold them up to the light of God’s Word, we can see with clarity that our goodbyes are also gifts from God.
Nobody knows like a mama does that everything in this world is temporary. Infancy, toddlerhood, elementary, high school, college, and young adulthood are all seasons that come and go so quickly they leave us breathless.
And deep in a mom’s heart is the constant struggle to hold on when you know you were meant to say goodbye.
That’s the struggle of our whole lives.
We want to hold onto this world because we love our people. Yet deep in our hearts we know they’re only ours for a while.
We struggle to hold loosely to this world and the people we love so we can grab hold of the next, a place more glorious, exciting, and satisfying than this world could ever hope to be.
When it comes to moms letting go, the struggle is real.
Yet, we say our mama goodbyes because we’re convinced they open doors to a better life.
We know college rooms are designed for a life that’s fuller and richer and more exhilarating than any semester of high school. That kindergarten is a launching pad for social, emotional and intellectual stimulation that no #eatmorechikin playground can offer. And that preschool can be a teacher of lifeskills when babies are ready to grow into little girls.
So we put on our big girl panties, choke back tears, and brave a big smile as we say goodbye to what we loved in anticipation for what we know we’ll love even more.
And that’s the best practice we can have for this life’s final goodbye.
One day every single one of us will say a last goodbye. At the end of our days we’ll bid farewell to this world and to the people on this earth we love and who’ve loved us.
But we’re moms who’ve practiced saying goodbye. So we’ll know the best is yet to come. In Christ, the closing of that final door will mean the glorious entry into a life more meaningful and joyful than anything we’ve ever known before.
Because, in Christ, there’s no goodbye.
“And God has reserved for his children the priceless gift of eternal life; it is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.”
“And God will open wide the gates of heaven for you to enter into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
“For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our everlasting home in heaven.”
Hebrews 13:14, TLB
