How To Survive The First Few Weeks As A New Mom

“Why are the first few weeks as a new mom so hard and is it normal to feel down in the dumps?”

It’s  a question asked by a lot of new moms.

But seldom out loud.

After all, common sense says a brand new baby, well wishes from family and friends, and grand plans for the future can’t possibly be ingredients for feeling blue.

But they can be.

In fact, what we once called “baby blues” are not only normal, but commonplace for a  new mom.

I’ve been a new mom three times, and I’ve helped my three daughters each time one of my eight grandchildren was born. Even with a generation between us, we all faced the same challenges of surviving the first few weeks as a new mom.

 

WHAT MAKES THE FIRST WEEKS AS A NEW MOM SO HARD?

 

EXPECTATIONS

 No matter how meticulously a woman has planned for her baby or anticipated her new life as a new mom, real life is seldom exactly as she imagined it would be.

Let’s face it. The stresses of picking out strollers and finding the best car seat are hardly a  match for the sleepless nights, explosive diapers, and endless feedings that make up real-life days with a newborn.

“This is just not the way I thought it would be” is a common remark. Yes, common. Because feeling that way is normal.

You didn’t miss something.

You didn’t fail to plan properly.

You’re not minus any motherhood genes.

Life is simply more challenging than you imagined it would be.

So, what’s a new mom to do?

 

A NEW REALITY

If the first few weeks at home with your baby are hard, you’re in good company. Along with an overwhelming rush of the fiercest love they’ve ever experienced, most new moms feel tired, afraid, and discouraged.

 

 

With all gentleness, I encourage you to follow the example of the apostle Paul. Faced with circumstances beyond human comprehension, Paul relied on God for the strength to endure them.

And so can you.

Ask God for the strength you need to be a new mom. He sees you. And “He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, ESV).

 

I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.

 

Philippians 4:11,13

ISOLATION

Another surprise most brand-new moms experience is isolation. Immersed in what goes in one end of their baby and what comes out the other, a new mom has far less time for  texting, phone calls and social media that kept her connected to family and friends.

On top of that, new experiences like breastfeeding may make a new mom shy away from long visits.

 

FEAR

 Few milestones in life are filled with as much fear as the arrival of a new baby. Deep inside, nearly every new mom is afraid of failure, of not “measuring up” as a parent.

On top of that, some new moms struggle with the guilt of not loving this new life. A lot of women admit that, at least once, they felt an overwhelming urge to take their babies back and return to life as it was! The shame produced by those feelings can make new moms feel as though they’ve failed.

The truth is there are no perfect parents, so there’s nothing to “measure up to.” Even parents of teenagers admit they have to navigate new territory each time their child enters a new phase. Children are unique, and there’s simply no textbook that will produce either a perfect parent or a perfect child.

Don’t beat yourself up. And don’t believe the lie that every other parent is doing just fine. In truth, they’re learning just like you are.

HOW TO SURVIVE THE FIRST FEW WEEKS AS A NEW MOM

 

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS

 Put aside your ideas of how you expected life was going to be with your little one and take hold of life as it is.  As hard as it may be to believe right now, this time of adjustment will pass quickly.

Let your house go! Forget about cleaning. Allow your visitors to climb over clutter. If they’re parents, they’ll understand. If they’re not, they don’t have a clue. So, forgive their raised eyebrows and take advantage of having the perfect excuse for a messy house!  (Your excuse will run out soon enough.)

 

ACCEPT HELP

This is no time to pretend to have super powers.

Expect to know nothing!

Open yourself up to advice from trusted friends and family members, then sort through it and make your best decision.

Find a physician you trust and follow his or her advice, but remember that no one knows your baby like you do.

 

 

 

REACH OUT

When a new baby arrives, well-meaning friends and family members can be hesitant to call or visit (granted, some new moms deal with an influx of visitors!)

But it’s important to reach out if you’re feeling isolated. Let the people who are important to you know you need their friendship and/or their help.

COMMUNICATE

Even with a supportive husband, a new mom can feel alone with her feelings.

Husbands often deal with their own fears and adjustments. Along with loss of sleep or at the very least new sleeping schedules, husbands may battle their own insecurities about the newly placed affections of their wives.

As a result, new feelings of isolation can catch new moms and dads by surprise.

Be honest with your husband about how you’re feeling and allow him to be honest with you. Let him off the hook. He can’t possibly know how to be the perfect husband, especially when life as you’ve known it has been turned upside-down! He needs help understanding your frustrations. Pay attention to him in small ways to help ease his own feelings of insecurity. Let him know that he may feel like he’s playing second fiddle, but your love for him has not changed.

 

LAUGH

The Bible says it best: 

 

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. Or, more literally: If you’re cheerful, you feel good; if you’re sad, you hurt all over.

 

 

Proverbs 17:22

 

Be sure to watch some funny stuff! Make an intentional decision to select movies or books that’ll make you chuckle.

Also, listen to praise music. While changing a diaper, feeding, or rocking, turn on music. Not only will it soothe your baby, but it will remind you that God is very present.

 

LAUGH AT YOURSELF

Laugh at your mistakes. Even record them in your baby book. One day you’ll get a belly laugh from the very things that cause you so much frustration today.

 

RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN NEED FOR A PARENT

 The best thing we can do as parents is to be aware that we need help. Fortunately we have a Heavenly Father who is the perfect Parent. He can teach us everything we need to know and He’ll never leave us on our own. To be honest, as parents we’re most effective when we’re willing to be parented.

 

But I have learned to feel safe and satisfied, just like a young child on its mother’s lap.

 

Psalm 131:2

 

(NOTE: If feelings of depression or sadness persist, if you begin to feel more and more isolated, if you struggle with feelings of anger or anxiety, if you can’t concentrate or have unwanted thoughts, or if you ever think about hurting yourself or your baby, PLEASE TELL SOMEONE. You may be suffering from postpartum depression. Help is available.)