The tone of my voice made  me cringe, so of course my young daughter cringed too.

We were on our way to church, and it had been one of those mornings. I’d slept later than I meant to, we were out of milk, and my hair was doing its own thing.  I was tired, grumpy, and frustrated. (Oh, and I should mention that my husband was working in Singapore and had been gone for two long months.)

I didn’t have the patience to answer a million questions from my little girl, so I cut her off. Short.

I saw her look of confusion, but I brushed it off. We were pulling into the parking lot, I had a preschool Sunday School class to teach, and we were late.

As we filed into the Sunday School building, I forced a smile, waved at friends, and called out to  other children on their way to class.

My daughter hung back and I scowled at her for pouting. We were at church, for crying out loud.

After Sunday School I made my way to the sanctuary, talking and laughing with friends as I settled into a pew and pulled my Bible and notebook onto my lap.

I’m so glad I was taking notes that day. I still have them. The words that stung my ears are underlined on faded paper in a blue notebook.

A MAJOR CAUSE OF TEENAGE REBELLION

My pastor was talking about hypocrisy. Being two-faced. Fake.

And I was surprised when he listed it as one of the major causes of teenage rebellion.

“If you want your kids to rebel,” my pastor said loud and clear, “Be one person at home and another person at church.”

Ouch.

That. Was. Me.

I was anything but genuine. That morning I’d been grumpy, frustrated, and impatient with my own daughters at home. But in the presence of my friends and church family I managed to be instantly charming and kind.

Yuck.

My behavior that morning had left my little girl feeling hurt and confused. But I was more concerned about what my friends would think of her pouty face than I was about the condition of her heart.

That was a turning point for me in my journey to being real.

I loved my husband and little daughters more than life itself. Yet, over and over, they were seeing the worst of me.

My pastor’s words had jolted me. I knew there were plenty of causes of teenage rebellion that were difficult to combat. I didn’t want my own hypocrisy to be one of them.

 

 

 

REAL OR FAKE?

I’d been a Christian a short time. But I knew living for Jesus meant taking off my old habits and attitudes and putting on the new nature that was mine in Christ.

 

If you have really heard his voice and learned from him the truths concerning himself, then throw off your old evil nature—the old you that was a partner in your evil ways—rotten through and through, full of lust and sham. Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature.
Ephesians 4:21-24

 

That’s when it dawned on me.

At home I was acting like my old self —what the Bible calls the flesh. That meant my feelings and emotions were controlling me. In other words, I wasn’t doing the hard work at home of applying biblical truth to my everyday life and living under the control of God’s Spirit.

Among my friends and church family, I knew what was expected of me. So, in public I was acting like a “super-Christian.”

But the ugly truth is, I was a fake.

And if pretense was a major cause of teenage rebellion, the future of my daughters’ lives depended on me getting real.

 

CONSEQUENCES OF HYPOCRISY

I was wrongly thinking I could act however selfishly I wanted to at home because my family had to love me anyway.

But the truth, is they didn’t have to.

My daughters would have to obey me, but they didn’t have to love and respect me.

I knew what my pastor had said that morning was true. In time, my daughters would see through my hypocrisy and be repulsed by it. And then my behavior could prove to be a cause of teenage rebellion in my own home.

 

COMBATING A MAJOR CAUSE OF TEENAGE REBELLION

So, I made a decision.

From now on I’d be real. I didn’t want to act like a “super Christian.” And I didn’t want to be a grumpy, frustrated mom.

Instead, I wanted to walk according to the same biblical truth whether I was at home or not. In other words, I didn’t want my feelings to guide me. I wanted the truth of God’s Word —combined with the power of His Spirit—to be the guiding force for my life.

 

 

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all slander. Like newborn infants, desire the pure milk of the word, so that you may grow up into your salvation, if you have tasted that the Lord is good.
1 Peter 2:1-3

 

 

In fact, my mantra began to be “I want everything I do to be for an audience of One.”

 

 

He died for all so that all who live—having received eternal life from him—might live no longer for themselves, to please themselves, but to spend their lives pleasing Christ who died and rose again for them.
2 Corinthians 5:15 TLB

 

 

Have I lived that out perfectly? Of course not.

But I believe my determination to be real is at least partly responsible for the wonderful result of a home that was free of teenage rebellion.

 

 

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR HOME ISN’T A MAJOR CAUSE OF TEENAGE REBELLION

1. Be the same person at home that you are everywhere else.

Even if that person isn’t her “best self.”

Let love be without hypocrisy…
Romans 12:9 CSB

 

If you detect any hypocrisy, don’t try to change your behavior. Instead, ask God to change your heart. That’s where the root of all hypocrisy is found,

 

2. Be honest with God.

Ask Him to expose any hypocrisy in your life. He’ll do it. In fact, he’ll use the scriptures or even your own kids to point it out to you. 😊

This is the confidence we have before him: If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked of him.
1 John 5:14-15

 

3. Work at letting Christ rule in your heart at home first.

If you can’t be the real deal there, you’re not the real deal.

If you’re not regularly reading your Bible, open it up and get started. Nothing  else in the world will transform your everyday life like regular Bible study.

 

Let the peace of heart that comes from Christ be always present in your hearts and lives, for this is your responsibility and privilege as members of his body. And always be thankful. Remember what Christ taught, and let his words enrich your lives and make you wise; teach them to each other and sing them out in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing to the Lord with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, and come with him into the presence of God the Father to give him your thanks.
Colossians 3:14-17

 

4. Don’t worry about being a “super-Christian.”

Focus instead on being a super parent. Your influence as a Christian is more impactful and more important inside your home than anywhere else in the world. Build a strong Christian home established on biblical truth.

 

All who listen to my instructions and follow them are wise, like a man who builds his house on solid rock.
Matthew 7:24

 

5. Check yourself.

See if you’re as charming, attentive, and helpful to the people  in your home as you are to those you most want to impress outside your home.

In fact, make sure you use your manners at home just like you do everywhere else.

Remember, you’re building long-term relationships with your children, and one day they’ll be your friends―if they enjoy being around you.

 

Now you can have real love for everyone because your souls have been cleansed from selfishness and hatred when you trusted Christ to save you; so see to it that you really do love each other warmly, with all your hearts.
1 Peter 1:22

 

 

HAPPY TEENAGERS

My three daughters grew up. Our home was filled with its fair share of girl drama and necessary attitude adjustments. But I can honestly say my daughters’ teenage years were some of the most delightful of my life.

I’m forever thankful for my pastor’s wise words that stopped me in my tracks. As a young mom, I wanted nothing more than to raise happy, godly kids. And I don’t believe happy kids are likely to come from homes filled with hypocrisy.

No matter where you are in your parenting journey, you can do what I did. Examine your life. See if you’re guilty of hypocrisy. And make the necessary adjustments.

I know from experience that it doesn’t take perfect parents to raise good teenagers. But it does help to have parents who are the same people at home as they are everywhere else.

There are many causes of teenage rebellion. But hypocrisy doesn’t have to be one of them.