“Don’t forget the girl on the bench.”
It’s a phrase I repeated like clockwork every morning as I drove my three daughters to school. They rolled their eyes because they’d heard it a zillion times.
But I didn’t care.
When I was in eighth grade, I was the new girl in a school where most kids had been together since kindergarten. Day after day I watched classmates laugh and talk and make plans for after-school parties that didn’t include me.
They weren’t unkind. I was simply shy and waiting for someone to notice me.
Break time was the worst. There was absolutely nothing to do except socialize, without so much as a cafeteria tray to hide behind. So, I’d sit awkwardly on a bench with a book to hide my face in, painfully aware of my aloneness.
The longer I sat there, the smaller I felt.
It wasn’t long before I didn’t feel like the new girl anymore. Instead, I felt like the girl no one wanted to be friends with.
INCLUDING OTHERS
“One smile from you could make her day,” I reminded my girls.
And I knew it was true.
I couldn’t change the months of awkward loneliness I’d endured on that eighth grade bench. But I could do my best to raise up some girls who would pause long enough to notice someone on the outside looking in, longing for a kind word or an invitation to belong. I could teach them about including others.
So, I reminded them constantly to look for the girl who may be sitting alone. Or standing on the outside, searching for a place to belong.
I said it on the way to elementary school, middle school, and high school. And before I dropped them off at soccer and dance and cheerleader practice. I repeated it as they headed out the door to a party or a dance or even prom.
Words that stuck
My girls are grown now.
Their high school awards are packed in Rubbermaids, their letter jackets are faded, and they no longer do splits or kick soccer balls or stand in front of ballet barres.
They didn’t do life perfectly. They often forgot and sometimes had to be prodded to make time for the girls who were shy or awkward or left out. But I made it my job to remind them about including others. Every. Single. Day.
I like to think that’s why today it’s not unusual to see every one of my daughters break into a near-run to welcome a new family at church.
They’ll almost always find a seat by the new mom at play group or PTO.
And, nine times out of ten, they’ll naturally gravitate to another mom standing by herself at the ball field.
Including others includes the least of these
It’s always tempting to think popularity and achievements will make our kids successful.
But one day all the trophies will tarnish and Who’s Who will be no more than a page in a yellowing yearbook.
What will last and what will matter is how our kids learned to treat “the least of these…” the unpopular, the lonely, and the ones in need of a smile.
That, according to Jesus, is the same as reaching out and giving Him a pat on the back, a hug, or an invitation to sit next to us in the school cafeteria.
And the King will say, “I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these My brothers and sisters, you were doing it to Me!”
Great message. With all the other things you could be, BE. KIND
Agreed:)
I love each of your nuggets of wisdom.
Thanks Alicia!
Very nice. You are an inspiration!
Thanks Lynn:)
True words – and not just for girls. My boy was the shy boy – very alone and not included. This is something I try to help my Sunday School kids understand, too.
So true, Brooke. It crosses all lines.
Thanks for those important words, Cindy! It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, but I enjoy keeping up w/your family on FB.
When my little grandchildren moved to a new town last summer, I prayed that someone would look for “the girl (and the boy!) on the bench”! It can be a life-changer for them!
It’s great to hear from you, Ann! And yes! It only takes one kind person to make all the difference!
As a teacher I saw so many lonely children over the years! Kindness doesn’t cost anything and it is such an easy gift to give ! I do believe your words stuck to your girls! I even see “our Grands” reaching out to those kids who are alone! What a precious trait to pass on! Sweet legacy! Well done and Happy Mother’s Day!
You’re so right! It doesn’t cost a thing! So glad we’re on the same “teaching team” for our grandchildren:) Thanks for your encouragement!
When Bill and I began our work at LeMoyne some 45 years ago, the numbers were very low. We had a variety of personalities as you would expect. We knew people so intimately back then and as the congregation grew, it was hard to speak to everyone…I tried. There was a lady in the congregation who grew up really poor; she wasn’t very educated, but such a humble, Godly woman. One Sunday I was late coming into the service and needed to slip quietly into a pew. I sat by her. Later, after the service, she told me how very important she felt because I sat by her and how I made her feel important and loved. I didn’t hesitate to sit with this sweet lady, but she felt so unworthy and unimportant. My heart was so full, realizing that small act encouraged her. God sees. Do we? Enjoying your thoughts Cindy.
That is precious, Joette. And exactly the point. We just never know how meaningful one gesture of friendship can be to someone else, even the person sitting in church with us. Thanks for sharing your experience.